You know there's something wrong if you're crying while talking on MSN.
Even more so when there's nothing to cry about.
Sometimes I just feel so bloody caught in the middle. As if you can do all the shit in the world, manage the fine details in the smallest scenarios... How you can perfect the basics, the foundations, make your 'world' so seemingly perfect, but yet you can't control everything else. You can't control how life wants to fuck you up, how it can just ruin your plans, screw everything you've done. One flick of his finger and some omnipotent being can just blow you up, who the hell knows.
What the hell is life anyway. I used to have these dreams when I was young; that the whole world literally revolved around me. Like how all my friends, acquaintances and people I ever knew all had a certain role to play in my life- how they merely acted out their parts, and it was just a ploy. How I never could do anything significant because everything was planned out. How wrong I am. The world doesn't revolve around anyone. We revolve around it. Every single thing we do, we do with some plan in mind. Be it working hard to get a good grade, or watching movies just for satisfaction, we do everything with this ideal, perfect scenario that we all envision to exist.
How we want our life to be genuinely unflawed, and then you think about the greater shit. You think about how you can go through life and get raped by a hurricane or something. Or something out of the blue just turns up and frizzes your life into a blitz. And at the end of the day, with your perfect house and perfect family and perfect every bloody shit, you end up dead, in a casket, with nothing to show for it besides, maybe, a nicer coffin.
I hate overly thinking about stuff. I want to just stop thinking about all this shit. I need release, ffs. I give up.
Good night everyone.
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